-image-The Point of No Return

April 8, 2008 | A Kick in the Butt, A Pick Me Up

In January I started to see a Naturopath. I’d noticed over the holidays that I was starting to be really bothered with sudden exhaustion and a few other symptoms; I knew something was getting worse in my system and I knew (from earlier experience) that my doctor wouldn’t be any help.

A Naturopath seemed like the right way to go. Plus, it meant I could choose who treated me (technically in Canada you are free to choose your doctor, but there is such a shortage of them you are normally stuck with whoever can take new patients rather than being able to choose); I could say I wanted to be treated by a woman, and one who specialized in hormone issues (hormones are one of the things that respond really well to naturopathic methods, by the way).

At my first appointment, Lindy confirmed what I already suspected: the annoying symptoms were from Hypoglycemia. She started me on a round of supplements (and acupuncture which is very cool) to treat my PCOS (see how helpful I am with the links this post!), and on a diet to treat the hypoglycemia.

Well, to be honest, because the hormones and the insulin are both issues related to PCOS the supplements truly help with the hypoglycemia and the diet does effect the PCOS, but anyway.

The diet was very simple (to understand, not so simple to follow through on): Don’t eat carbs. (I’m already well aware that controlling my carb intake drastically affects my weight.) Now, don’t get all worked up; it’s not an unhealthy diet. I’m not supposed to eat any refined carbs, I can eat all the vegetables I like, and fruit too (but the amount of fruit in a day is controlled). The plan was (notice my tense) 8 weeks without bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, or sugar; then slowly begin to reintroduce the foods in small rates. The goal is of course to let my body reboot how it deals with sugar and hopefully reset my insulin system.

Well, things went well till about week 7. Lindy had assured me that one “cheat day” a week was perfectly acceptable, but in week seven one cheat day turned into two, turned into three… until within a ten day span I’d had five cheat days and finally just gave up. (The problem being, that eating carb free is something that requires time and planning - it’s anything but convenience food. So the busier I got the harder it became to stick to it.)

I also ran out of a key supplement right about that time and found watching the return of my symptoms so discouraging that I started to let other things slip. I was also so busy with the store that I kept having to cancel my appointments, so that it was a month before I was back in my naturopath’s office and by then I was almost all the way back to square one (not totally though, the food reboot had worked and I wasn’t having hypoglycemia symptoms anymore).

When I was there Lindy talked to me about “The Point of No Return”, she said if I didn’t go back to the diet plan I would eventually undo the changes the diet had created in my system and be pushed totally back to the way I was. I can understand that concept. I’ve experienced the exact same thing in my own personal growth, and in coaching others.

It’s hard to make changes. The reason so many people believe that change is impossible - that people don’t change - is because it’s so easy to slip back into old patterns, so easy to hit that Point of No Return where everything you’ve done unravels and you give in completely to the old way you were.

It’s easy to interpret that to mean that people simple can’t change. Really, I think we just need to be more aware that there is a Point of No Return. Change is difficult; you can’t undo ingrained habits over night, therefore change is not only difficult, it takes time.

And yes, we are going to find ourselves slipping back into what seems easiest, what seems comfortable, or what we do automatically without thought. The question is, can we pull ourselves back out of that rut before we hit the edge of the cliff and find ourselves back in the hole we started from?

Of course, you can still come back from that point (despite it being the Point of “No Return”), it simply means that we need to start the climb all over from the very beginning once more. Which, to say the least, is very discouraging for most of us, and often leads to our downfall when we get caught up in the guilt and discouragement that go along with the slide to the bottom.

Even though not every slip means we need to start back at the very beginning again, most of us don’t realize that. We don’t know that it’s only allowing ourselves to think that, or to slide beyond the Point of No Return, that forces us to do it all over again. We’d do so much better if we knew that most of the time we can just dust off and move on from our last right action.

I think if we all knew that this point existed, if we all knew that everyone slips back - that, in fact, change is impossible without a few slips and slides - then we wouldn’t allow guilt to take such a foothold in us. (Often, I find that guilt is the thing that pushes us beyond No Return because it makes us too afraid to try to go forward again until we simply give up - which is a terrible thing to ever do.) If we knew this kind of thing was bound to happen, and is actually a part of the process of change, well then, we’d just shrug our shoulders and go on with our trek upwards and outwards.

There is, in fact, an equal and opposing point on the other side of the climb. It’s called the Tipping Point which we reach when all the forward motion momentum we’ve built up (even the momentum of getting back up from a backwards slip) finally builds to a point where change becomes inevitable and we finally fall beyond our old ways of acting and thinking and are dropped into the whole new world we were aiming for.

So, I’m back on my supplements. Back on my diet. Back to the naturopath’s (I have an appointment in an hour actually), and swiftly stepping away from the Point of No Return. I know which Point I want to hit next, and it’s not the one that lies behind me.

Tipping Point, here I come!

-image-The Care & Feeding of My Spirit

April 7, 2008 | Get Inspired!, A Kick in the Butt

I’d like to begin today’s post with a brief lesson on terminology; I think it will help to clear up a possible later misunderstanding.

Today’s word of the day is: Chi. As you know, both my husband (Wakizashi) and my son (The Kung-Fu Master) are highly involved in traditional martial arts, which means Chi is something that is talked about and understood in my house. I figure that most of you have heard of Chi (whether you believe in it is a completely different conversation) at some point or another, but I doubt that many of you truly know what the word means.

The Chinese word Chi, more accurately translated than most Western explanations offer, means wind, breath, or spirit (while I believe “spirit” is a form of energy, I think it’s a more accurate word to define Chi with than the word energy alone - which, after all, doesn’t offer much of an explanation as a definition, in my humble opinion). Of course, the word Ki, being the Japanese form of Chi, has the same meaning.

Interestingly enough, (to me anyway) the Indian word Prana also has the exact same implied meaning: wind, breath, or spirit. In fact, all the eastern traditions and spiritual practices teach that breathing and breath techniques are an integral part of your spiritual health.

But, I was actually most fascinated when I discovered that this was the definition for Chi because I’d seen this exact definition before - in a completely different context. You see, with my Christian background I’d done some Bible study on the Holy Spirit. So, what I already knew what that the Hebrew word that the Bible uses for (or is translated as) Holy Spirit, ruwach has the identical definition of wind, breath, and spirit. And in Gen 2:7 when the Bible says that God breathed into man and he became “a living soul”. The word for used for breathed is nshawmah which means wind, vital breath, divine inspiration, intellect, soul, and spirit.

You know, I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re all really talking about the exact same things we’re just so caught up in the differences created by our perspective and interpretation that we are blind to our similarities. Which is why to me a conversation about Chi is a conversation about my Spirit (or spiritual energy), or even the Holy Spirit (God) in me.

And yes, your spirit is something that requires a little care and feeding, just like the rest of us.

So, as I mentioned Wakizashi has a traditional Karate teacher, and recently Sensei has been offering classes in Chinese Medicine. I’m not a member of the Karate school, but the Chinese Medicine classes have been opened to all students and family members interested. What with my recent fascination with wellness and well-being the class seemed very timely and I’ve been joining Wakizashi for them.

At the last CM class (which we missed) Sensei announced that he was going to teach the class a specific Qi (chi) Gong exercise which would help with a lot of physical ailments, asthma being primary among them. The Kung-Fu Master suffers from asthma so our family was signed up to go.

What can I tell you about Qi Gong? I’m not a major practicer, but that’s more from not getting around to it than anything else (that and, I personally prefer Yoga). Most westerners think of Qi Gong like they do Tai Chi, a slow form of exercise that helps to reduce stress. It’s probably more accurate to describe it as a form of moving meditation. Qi Gong is technically a martial art (or an arm of martial arts), but it’s real purpose is entirely internal. It is actually designed to stir up, and move around Chi (which from above means Qi Gong activates and invigorates your spirit).

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m a little stressed out lately. I haven’t exactly been following my own advice and taking good care of myself; time pressures always cause me to make bad decisions. For a few weeks now I’ve really felt God telling me that I needed to step back and take a little more care of my spiritual life. I’ve felt (and ignored) an almost urgency to meditate, create a space of quiet, do yoga, anything. But I haven’t been doing it (because I’ve allowed myself to be too busy, too lazy, too distracted… who knows).

Yesterday was my punishment for that. The Qi Gong technique we were learning involves a walk (with specific techniques of course) and then a few standing exercises - all this combined with a very specific system of breathing (you’ll remember I told you that breath was very important in internal exercises).

I did the walk just fine, but as soon as we started the first standing exercise I started to not feel well. A few simple twists this way, and then that way and I was suddenly struggling to hold back from throwing up. Needless to say, Sensei had me go sit to the side and I didn’t get to finish the exercise. (”Get to” may not be the right term, I actually physically couldn’t I was so sick.)

Sensei talked to me about what I was experiencing, and told me that the problem was that I simply didn’t have enough Chi. He gave me a few tips for working my way up to being able to finish the entire exercise and encouraged me to take it easy for now.

Well, I don’t know how anyone else would have interpreted not having “enough Chi”, but it didn’t take me long to put two and two together.

I don’t actually think you can have any more or less of God in you. I don’t think I can have an adverse reaction because I didn’t have enough spirit inside me to handle the exercise. I think it’s more a case of not having a well-enough fed spirit. After all, hadn’t God been telling me for weeks that my spiritual life was desperately in need of attention? And hadn’t I been summarily pushing that knowledge off to the side for more “important” pressures?

There’s nothing like a violent need to vomit to help wake you up and motivate you to do the things you know you should have been doing all along. Which is why, this morning, with no hesitation or doubt, I strapped on my runners and went for a walk.

I was walking through a near by park with a swing set and spontaneously decided that what I really needed was to swing for a little bit (I can’t tell you how much I enjoy swinging, even if I am a thirty year old woman). Which got me thinking (while I was swinging), what exactly feeds my spirit?

I’m sure I could come up with an unending list if I really wanted to, but off the top of my head these things always work to make my spirit feel well fed and cared for:
Walking in the beautiful outside
Swinging (as per above)
Silence
Water
The moon
Beautiful art
Making Art
A great book
Iced Venti Black Tea (half sweet for the time being) and a comfy chair
Stimulating conversation
Good friends
Laughing
Meditating & Praying
Yoga
Coaching (believe it or not)

Of course, some things are a little more effective (they act directly on my spirit) while others just give a general boost (they act more on my soul and emotions), but these things judiciously balanced out throughout my week are guranteed to keep my spirit (and my soul) well fed and healthy. (Yes, I know I’ve been lacking that balance lately. I’m working on it, though.)

So, what feeds your spirit/chi?

I figure with a little bit of work at keeping the balance in my life and slowly working my way through the exercise, by the time the store is up and running I should be able to do the whole thing without needing to be sick. That’ll be nice don’t you think?

-image-Disarray

April 6, 2008 | Get Inspired!

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not exactly the Queen of Tidiness and no-one would ever mistake me for a Neat Freak. I love things with all kinds of drawers and cubbies for a reason: being tidy is easier for me when everything has it’s (clearly labeled) place.

I like to have a place for everything and everything in it’s place. But that doesn’t mean that I’m actually successful at getting everything back into it’s place in the course of regular existence. All of those, “A Messy Desk is a Sign of…” signs were designed for me (whether it’s a sign of a cluttered mind or a creative mind is all in the eye of the beholder I suppose).

Wakizashi finds the level of disorganization I can (and do) function at immensely confusing; he’s positive that I’d do better work if I just kept my space neater. I admit it does make me happy to spend time organizing and putting the things in their place (again), but it doesn’t make me unhappy to work with the piles building up on my tables either. (Maybe that’s the part that confuses my husband?)

I think it’s the way my mind works. If I want to know where I put picture A or list B I simply close my eyes and think about the last time I saw it. Immediately a picture conjures in my head of the thing it was next to, where I was standing, or the pile I was shifting when it appeared. (I’m more likely to lose the things I try to put in a “safe” place than I am the things I leave lying where I found them in the first place). I admit it’s odd, but it’s true.

That said, there is a state of disarray where I begin to be pushed past my ability to cope. I’m capable of blocking out a small amount of disorganization, and I can function with a certain amount of untidiness (if it’s a choice between doing something creative or cleaning I would prefer the creative act and always see it as a fair trade off). The average daily/weekly routine I’ve built up in my life pretty much keeps the house at a standard where I can function and feel in control and yet don’t feel like I’ve given my life over to chores.

But, if something happens to disrupt my internal time management systems the first thing to fall away is tidying and cleaning (because we all know how much I love those things in the first place) which means that the natural state of disorganization that follows me as I work begins to build and build and build.

At this point in the journey of opening the store front I’m beginning to feel that my entire life is in disarray. I looked in my purse this evening and knew that things were speedily reaching a tipping point beyond which I’d probably find some kind of mental breakdown. My purse is generally organized. I even keep an extra zip pouch in the purse to help manage all the little things I carry (extra cards (like memberships etc..), lip balm, Tide-to-Go, etc…). I also tend to empty the purse out on a relatively frequent basis so that I know where all my business receipts are etc. Mostly I simply hate when you can’t find anything in your purse because it’s all jumbled together - I just don’t have time to be dealing with that.

So, when I tell you that my purse is in such disarray the cardboard bottom that keeps the fabric purse stiff and in shape is standing on it’s side amongst the rest of the junk, and though my zip up pouch is in there it is both unzipped and empty, I hope you’ll understand just how overwhelming my life has been for the last few weeks.

Sadly, my purse is just an extension of an already building problem. That is to say - it was the last thing to reach that level of disarray; my entire office looks like a paper tornado struck only moments ago, and we won’t go into my bedroom or kitchen at the moment.

It doesn’t help that people keep pointing out that there’s “Only two weeks to go…” and asking how I’m feeling, am I excited?

Excited? How could I be excited? I’m opening a freaking store in TWO WEEKS and I only have a third of my stock on hand! Not to mention, my whole entire private and internal life is about to be turned upside down! And how do you expect me to feel with you constantly pointing out that there’s only TWO WEEKS LEFT! Can’t you tell I’m not trying to think about that right now? Huh? Huh? HUH!

Needless to say, today felt like I really needed a release. I ran off for the evening, had some Pad Thai (yum… spicy Thai food. I’m technically not eating noodles at the moment, but today seemed like a very good cheat day), and sat in Starbucks with a drink and a good (which means totally useless and un-work related) book.

In the car on the way over I could feel the anticipation. Sometimes I wonder if I’m an empath or something, so much of my day revolves around how things “feel”. Anyway, I could feel what it would be like to sit in the comfy chair, to be in that place and not have to think about work, with only a good book to lose myself in. I felt the feeling wash over me and I realized:

It’s been far too long since I did this.

In short, I took a mental health day. The house is still in disarray (so’s my purse, but I am seriously contemplating cleaning it out tomorrow), but now the clutter and disorganization is no longer a reflection of my mind and soul.

Big sigh! I feel better now.

How are you feeling this week?